Over the years I have been to hundreds of shows and have seen pretty much anything you can possibly thing of (and then some). As an avid concert goer, I came up with the top things you should never do as a concert. This post is highlighting the second part of my two part series. If you missed the first half of the list you can scope it out here.
In the first half of the list I tackled things like taking incessant pictures and video, not watching the show, yelling things at the band, and requesting songs (no matter how many times you yell "Freebird" I'm still probably going to think you're a douche- just sayin').
So without further adieu, let's dive in to the second half of things you should never do at a show...unless you want to be "that guy" or "girl"...and let's face it, NO ONE wants to have that title.
Singing
The one thing I have never said at a show: "Man, I'm so glad this tone deaf guy in front me came to this show. He's way better than [insert band's lead singer here]. Thank God he's belting out all the tune so loudly next to me!"
At big shows, the speakers are loud enough to drown out your tone deaf self. If that's the case, I really don't have a major issue with it. But if there's a chance others can hear your atonal grunts and groans as you attempt (and fail) to keep up with the singer on stage (and let's face it...you're not and you're not fooling anyone)- just keep your loud obnoxious (most likely) drunk noises to cheering. NO ONE CAME TO HEAR YOU SING. There's a reason the lead singer gets paid to produce music with his (or her) voice and you do not. Remember that.
Shoving to the front
For starters, I'm a short chick (I'm only 5'3") and no, I am NOT using that as an oh woes me excuse. I'm simply saying if you have to make uncomfortable contact with another person in order to get to the front, you should just stay put. I have been in pits where my feet have never touched the show until the show ended and I have been at shows where I've had impression marks of the rail on my abdomen, arms and legs because I was holding on so the douchebag behind me wouldn't take my place. Asshat. If you want to be closer to the band get to the venue early, like the rest of us. The longest I've camped out for a show- 16 hours. So don't be a dick and bully your way to the front just because you're some big beefy dude with entitlement issues. First all, you're not impressing anyone and secondly, you're broadcasting to all the chicks around you, that you're most likely hung like a tater tot...and no one wants to have that kind of reputation, do you?! The same thought for those of you who like to push and bully your way to the fifth and sixth rows. If you roll up, shove your way in front of me and proceed to block my view all while invading my happy bubble I will automatically assume your parents never hugged you enough as a kid.
Being the only person doing what you're doing
At huge rock shows, expect to stand pretty much the entire time. But at intermediate to smaller sized shows, especially in older venues that have dedicated seating, it can be difficult to gauge whether or not you should stand or sit. If you love to stand during a show you can try to set the precedent of standing in your section, but it's pretty obnoxious. This becomes a much bigger problem at shows where the audience might be split between young adults and older, original fans (think: The Eagles). In those cases, take your cues from what those around you are doing.
Getting obnoxiously drunk
I'm a firm proponent of drinking at shows, after all, it's how venues make their money, which keeps bands in business. Also, a great beer or cocktail plus your favorite band's show makes for a perfect match--within reason.
No one likes to take care of someone else because they're too drunk to function on their won. It only goes downhill from there if you're ruining everyone's night by making an ass out of yourself in the middle of an audience. I've seen hammered guys throw up on the back of people's heads at shows; I've seen chick fights in the middle of a pit; I've seen people do an asphalt nose job (face plant) and take multiple people to the ground with them as they try to stick the landing like they were in some weird drunk Olympics. Have a drink. Hell, have three. Just don't get completely wasted.
Making out
Hold hands, put your arms around one another, enjoy each other's company as you take in an awesome performance-- but don't make out. Literally no one wants to see it. PDA make out sessions almost always look like two seals fighting over a grape. You look ridiculous, and it's gross. Just don't do it.
Concerts can be the most fun events you'll attend all year. Great ones can love on in your heart and soul for decades to come. But, for every amazing concert I've been to (either working it or attending as a general fan) I've had another ruined by audience members doing some combination of the aforementioned items in this two part series. Don't do them, and let your next concert be that much better for their audience.
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